Happy, Miserable Hypocrite

My day started out as being fabulous. It was happy and up beat and pretty darn awesome. I had so much energy and felt quite literally on top of the world. I seriously thought that nothing was going to bring me down. Nothing would ruin the high that I was on. The beautiful colour of happiness was spreading through me and filling me with this untouchable happiness and love. Today I loved everything and everyone as much as my own life.  Seriously nothing phased me. Not even mucking up in German. That would have dampened my mood on any other day.

But one of my best mates was feeling miserable. Now I understand why seeing others down brings him down. It didn't bring me down. But it did hurt to see him having and off day. I did try to make him smile, but to be honest, I'm very bad at doing that. And telling him to cheer up and its not all doom and gloom was very hypocritical of me. When I said this he just raised his eyebrows and gave me that look. But seriously, dude you are one of my favourite people on this planet. Planet only because I know aliens. Smile! Luv ya dude!

So I was perfectly happy until about three o'clock. I started to panic about what I had to do before five. I was freaking about it. Being honest I delayed it until about half four. I did not want to do it. But I did. There was this little voice in my head telling me no, just lie about it. Say you did it. But then there was this part of me that wanted to do it. Right thing to do. So I did it. And now all I have to do it stick to my guns and follow through with it. I know that I will. But I don't think I will if I freak out and don't talk about it. So that made me miserable. The battle in my head. It is not over and I hope I keep on wining.

So yeah. That battle is still raging in my head. And it is a pretty darn miserable one. It's bringing me down. Darn head. But who said life was easy? Well who ever said it, you're wrong. So darn wrong. Giving false hope to people. You mean bean. But in the mean time, while I'm hunting for you, I'm going to try and bring myself back up and stop squandering in all my sorrow. That seems like a sensible thing to do.