I'm So Scared and I Hate You!

I think scared is an understatement. I'm terrified. The fear is so gripping. It's trapped me in this reddish-orange bubble. It's always there and I can't escape it.

It's the first thing I think about when I wake up. It's on my mind throughout the whole day. And it's the last thing I think about before I go to sleep. It keeps me awake. It has truly come to rule my life. I am so scared of it. And it ruins everything! Every chance, opportunity and possibility is snatched away by this monstrcsity! I hate it! Hate it! With all my heart!

I want it to die and stop ruling my life! I'm angry at it. So angry! It trys to take everything from me! The people I love! The things I care about! Whatever has some importance to me it wants to take it! I hate it so much! It's come so close to taking everything and everyone from me! I hate it! Stop ruling my life! Stop warping all my thoughts and disfiguring everything! Just go and die somewhere and stop telling me what I can and can't eat! Stop telling me I'm fat and horrid! Stop making me feel guilty! Stop making me count calories! Stop filling my brain with useless facts about food and diets and exercise! I didn't ask for this!

I hate it that you're winning! And I hate it that you almost won! Just stop it please! I want my life back! I want you to give me back my life! Stop terrifying me with the thought of food and calories! I am so angry at myself for letting you do this to me! Right now, millions of bright orange squares are shattering into millions and millions of bright, bright, intense orange triangles and they are all shattering outwards ready to strike. They are so bright and orange and I'm so very angry. I hate you and I hate my self!

I'm scared to eat. I'm scared to drink anything that's not water because of the calories that could be avoided. You have taken over everything! I am so scared! You have kept me up for so many nights because I can't turn my mind off because all my thoughts are obsessing with food and calories! But if you let me sleep we'd get rid of more calories!

I am so scared! And it feels like nobody really listens anymore because they're so used to it. You've made everyone fed up! But it's not me! You've made me scared of every single calorie! You shade every thought I have. Even now! I know there ars people willing to help, but you shade it to make it seem like I have to do this to make people help. And I can't stop these thoughts. You keep shading them! I'm so terrified!

You've ruined everything. I hate you! I hate you so much! You so almost won and took everything! You're not even me! I am so scared of you! I'm so angry at you! And I hate you! You will make others fat and horrid through me. You are evil! You are terrifying! And I'm so scared!