I Don't Know

I just don't know what to do any more. Life may be the most beautiful and awesome thing in the entire of everything. But you can't help but feel lost. Really lost. People get fed up of one another. They seem to do things for their own gain. I don't know. Where has everything gone?

There are things we don't tell anyone in life. We all have secrets and we all lie. No matter ho honest we are with one another, we still hide things. We still fill ourselves with a black sooty fog. We all do it. Man, there are so many secrets that I sit on. I still hide things. Who doesn't? Nobody is completely honest with themselves are they? But sometimes there are things we just want to share. We just want to get rid of all our secrets. But we don't know how people would react to them.

In an ideal world, they would sit and listen and accept. In reality... well... every individual is different and they react in different ways. Really different ways. But that's the beauty of being an individual, you are you. You are who you are!

So is hiding things and keeping secrets tightly locked up the best thing to do? For me, it seems like the only thing I have ever done: hide and keep secrets. I guess it feels safe in a strange way. If people knew what I thought and felt and did all the time, I'm pretty sure they would kill me after ten seconds. But I suppose we all would.

It's funny how after hiding everything for so long eats you up inside. The past is the past, but it still haunts you. People will still look at you for you for your past. I hate that. I don't know. But breaking this is harder than it seems. I've written about the past. But still, I don''t really write about the present. I couldn't say how I felt right this moment in time without feeling like a wall is going to squash me. It's funny that. It makes you feel lost.

Secrets and lies. It is a never ending circle. Hiding things. I used to hide things pretty well. Always put on a happy, smiling face and people never look twice. I don't know if that still applies. I guess not now I have said it. But when you put on that face people think that everything is fine. Well sometimes it is not. Sometimes you're having a party in your head and other times it's so empty and lonely. And people would never notice. That's a secret of mine. But yeah, I guess I don't do that as much any more.

Secrets are bad people. Hiding things is bad. Yes I am perhaps the biggest hypocrite ever, but trying to change your ways has to count for something?