For me I have to do a minimum of two hours a day. That could be a long walk, a run, weights, cycling or fighting. I love it so much. It keeps you fit and healthy and is fun. I love running the most. It's like your running away from everything. Left is away and right is towards. When your feet hit the ground it's like you can do anything. Every step you take is amazing. You get faster and faster untill you can't go any faster and you carry on at that speed untill you can't go any further. Then you stop. You have a break. And then you run some more. And then you turn back and run home. That's the worst bit. Running home. It's like you're shoving all your hard work back in your face. It says 'look you've run away from everything and now you have to run back into the heart of it all!' Home is definitely the worst bit.
I also love my bike. It's amazing. You can just sit there and cycle. You don't go anywhere but you can read a book and escape reality. That's truely something that everybody should do for an hour or so everyday. Escaping reality and being absorbed into another world. I cycle a lot. I broke one of the bikes I had. That was a sad couple of weeks. Very sad indeed.
Weights are fun. I got obsessed with them one and got these huge, amazing, fabulous arm muscles. My gosh they were glorious. Admittedly, I felt like a man. But I could hit hard. I must have looked funny that summer, a thirteen year old girl running everywhere with some amazing arm muscles. Man, Derek Landy inspired me with his character 'Tanith Low'. She is everything I wanted to be. An amazing fighter. Could use a sword. Had amazing muscles. And she was MAGIC! But then I lost my muscles slowly as the way I thought about exercise and food changed. It was a sad day not long ago when I lost my amazing abs. I used to be so amazing. But muscle ways a lot more than fat and maybe this is a place where it started.
Now this will sound odd, but walking is so much fun. It doesn't feel like you are putting in any effort. You can just be outside with the whole world around you and walk until you ate so lost in your thoughts that you get lost. The fun I have when I go out. Quite often a walk turns into a run. Especially if it starts to rain. Man, running in the rain is so awesome! But walking in the rain under the trees is something special. It's relaxing and you can only hear the world how it was supposed to be...BEAUTIFUL! And you'd be surprised how good walking is for you. Quite often I come back feeling a lot happier. Even when I was depressed, walking seemed to make me feel loads better. As did running.
Fighting. Such an ugly word. But in Sport Karate it's about skill and being confident. You have to spot the target before your opponent spots one on you. And then you hit them. There is a lot of dedication involved. And you really have to want it to carry on with it. Admittedly, I lost my passion for it. But that doesn't mean I don't train. I still work at getting my techniques better, faster and stronger. But like I said, my passion for it has practically run dry. And as my mother said "it's a shame you want to stop, you're really talented". But truth is, I've lost my love for karate in every aspect. It used to be my world, and now it's a chore. And I can't tell people that because they expect so much from me and my karate. I have never really loved something and been so committed to anything else before. I don't know what changed. I used to love competing so much. I think a pivotal moment was being told that I was a heavyweight. That definitely made something inside my head snap. But I still loved it. I don't know when it started. But I slowly began to loath it. I dread the lessons now. It has lost all meaning and enjoyment. I mean, karate used to be my world and I'd bail on friends and miss out on time with them for it. It used to be everything important to me. But now, well now it's not. I've got an empty feeling towards it. It's like its taken everything and left me with nothing. All the time and effort and love towards it. It got up and walked away. Being the object of many jokes every week used to be worth ignoring. The personal remarks used to go over my head. All because I was so fixated on fighting and winning and being the best. And I had it in me. It's lost now. Probably flying just out of reach. It was my world and now every bit of enjoyment from it has gone. I don't know what happened. It feels like it was there one day and gone the next. I've been doing it since I was nine and I always had that passion for it. It's sad to see it nowhere in sight. I miss it. It kind of feels like that there is no reason to anything anymore. I still have the determination to do things, but given the choice to do nothing or to work for something... I'd think about it. And probably do nothing. And saying that has set of warning bells in my head. But karate was my world once, and it feels like without that passion. I don't know. It makes me sad. It was the thing I always put first. But karate changed so many things. It started so much and ended a lot too. I don't know what happened. But something about it changed the way I think.
I'm a really 'hyperactive' person. I know that. No such thing as too much energy. Apart from when I've been really depressed I've always had energy. Being 'hyper' is something I can't control. It just happens. The great thing about it is that I have all this energy that I can put into exercise. I could keep on going forever on a really good day, in theory. But the biggest draw back is that my mind has been wired into some sort of system that make all my thoughts race and for a new frequency to show in my mind. It literally buzzes! I can't keep my attention on anything for more than ten minutes. It is impossible. So when doing exercise I get really bored. That's where my genius comes in. If I have a plan of what I'm going to do, I don't get bored. I'm looking forward to the next thing so much I work really hard for the whole five/ten minutes. I generally spend less time on exercise when I'm like this, but I do it a million times better.
As much as I love exercise, it's so strongly linked to calories and food that I can't do it just purely fir enjoyment anymore. Which is a shame. The way I think has changed so much. It sounds sad, but I can't help but calculate the amount of calories burned when I do exercise. I can't help but take that away from what I've eaten. It's so deep in my brain that it's getting ridiculous. I hate the link. It takes all the fun out of exercise. The websites I use to estimate the calories. I want to kick the link so far out of my head that it goes to another universe and gets burnt up by a star. I know what I'm doing is wrong, but when I'm faced with it, that thought stops meaning anything. I don't know if people really understand. I'd like to think they do. And if they didn't, I'd hope they'd ask. The way I think about every day life has changed.
The way I view exercise has definitely changed. It's still really important to me. But I can't help but link it back to food. But still, if someone told me I am not allowed to do exercise, I just couldn't do it. Fitness and the feeling of freedom you get from exercise is just so important. Nothing can replace it.
I feel like this post needs something happy...
Image from www.fanpop.com
It's just so cute. Man, you have to love cats. They are cute and adorable. Don't you just love that picture. It's cute. And funny. Loving cats.
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