Hung Up On Thoughts

Sorry, but I'm still hung up on the fact that popcorn squeaks! It's wrong and unnatural! Food should not squeak! That's for mice and other small, fluffy, cute rodents. Not food! Food does not squeak! It's wrong!

It's just like when I was given popping candy years ago. Wrong! Who seriously likes to see thousands of peachish stars explode? Who? It's wrong. Food should not make stars appear! It's wrong! And terrifying! I never want to see any colour come from a food because it makes a sound! Ever! Explosions are for explosive things and squeaking is for rodents. Not food! It's just wrong!

So on the subject of food, it's really hard to eat something if I don't know the calories in it. As before mentioned. And yesterday was difficult. But I did it. And it feels good to have eaten something with out knowing the calories, although I can make a guess of around 200-300. It was hard. But I'm glad people pushed me to do it. Thank you. I won't do it again, because today it's got into my head that they were worth thousands, despite the fact that I know it's not, and I know I won't eat anywhere near as much as I usually do because it's got into my head that it was worth 2000-3000 as opposed to 200-300. That's how warped my mind has become because of this fear.

So, why don't I eat today then? I physically cannot bring myself to. Even though I know roughly how much I ate yesterday, I can't get over the fact that it seems like more because of what it was that I ate. It's terrifying. I can't bring myself to eat anything because I'm scared to. Really scared. And it doesn't matter how hungry I get. I'm too scared to eat. And yesterday, I was quite terrified by the idea of eating what I ate. But I did it. So why can't I eat now? I won't. But I want to. But I can't. But I should. But it's terrifying. But I really should. But it's bad for you. But I have to.

I can't bring myself to eat, because I'm terrified of it all going wrong.

On a more awesomely awesome note, another one of my mates is 16 today. Her voice is a delicate rose yellow. It is like the colour of the rose petals you get that are yellow. Her voice just seems so delicate, despite the fact that she is as loud as anything and as feisty as a feisty thing. But her voice always seems as if it's going to break because it's such a light, delicate yellow colour. That particular shade of yellow always means hardworking and passionate. Which I suppose she is. But then again, her voice would look nice in any colour because she is so versatile. Does that make sense? She is always different but always the same. And it means that her voice could be any colour so long as it's a light, delicate, pastel sort of colour. But I think yellow suits her best because if you change the colours around in your head and think of her voice, the other colours look right, but her voice wouldn't be yellow if it wasn't supposed to be.

Sorry, that probably makes no sense. But anyway, Happy Birthday!