My day started out as being fabulous. It was happy and up beat and pretty darn awesome. I had so much energy and felt quite literally on top of the world. I seriously thought that nothing was going to bring me down. Nothing would ruin the high that I was on. The beautiful colour of happiness was spreading through me and filling me with this untouchable happiness and love. Today I loved everything and everyone as much as my own life. Seriously nothing phased me. Not even mucking up in German. That would have dampened my mood on any other day.
But one of my best mates was feeling miserable. Now I understand why seeing others down brings him down. It didn't bring me down. But it did hurt to see him having and off day. I did try to make him smile, but to be honest, I'm very bad at doing that. And telling him to cheer up and its not all doom and gloom was very hypocritical of me. When I said this he just raised his eyebrows and gave me that look. But seriously, dude you are one of my favourite people on this planet. Planet only because I know aliens. Smile! Luv ya dude!
So I was perfectly happy until about three o'clock. I started to panic about what I had to do before five. I was freaking about it. Being honest I delayed it until about half four. I did not want to do it. But I did. There was this little voice in my head telling me no, just lie about it. Say you did it. But then there was this part of me that wanted to do it. Right thing to do. So I did it. And now all I have to do it stick to my guns and follow through with it. I know that I will. But I don't think I will if I freak out and don't talk about it. So that made me miserable. The battle in my head. It is not over and I hope I keep on wining.
So yeah. That battle is still raging in my head. And it is a pretty darn miserable one. It's bringing me down. Darn head. But who said life was easy? Well who ever said it, you're wrong. So darn wrong. Giving false hope to people. You mean bean. But in the mean time, while I'm hunting for you, I'm going to try and bring myself back up and stop squandering in all my sorrow. That seems like a sensible thing to do.
Monday, 30 September 2013
Sunday, 29 September 2013
TURIN BRAKES!
Turin Brakes are amazing! They write some beautiful music. Yes, the lyrics are odd and dark, but the music itself is so amazing. I love their music as much as life itself! It is so awesome!
So I spent my afternoon in a small, crowded record shop just to listen to them play a few songs. It was amazing! They are really short and funny. But it was the best forty-five minutes of my life! They played a few songs, four or five. Three from their new album: 'We were hear' and two from older albums. It was AMAZING!
Now, being the stalker of a fan I am, I got all three of my albums signed (They have six, but the other three are on the computer) and I got my picture with them! They are really nice guys!
So the music itself is what made me fall in love with them. The lead singer, Olly Knights, has a voice that makes my knees go weak. It is a gorgeous shade of green. It is rich and like the colour of an emerald. It has that glorious green shine to it. It is so deep and gentle and beautiful. It just engulfs you in a veil of greenness.
And then you have the light green Tuesday of the guitar and the slightly more greener-green of the other guitar in those zigzags. And the dark blue of the harmony that Olly does with Gale. Gales voice is such a lovely peaceful blue. It is a dark sapphireish blue. Maybe a bit lighter and less deep and more see through. And the circles of the drums in the pinkish-red that just dance around. And the gentle explosion of stars in a cascade of orange and rose and indigo from the tambourine with the bells on. And the tiny, tiny, tiny triangles with rounded edges of the maraca that swirl in a washed out orange and red rain like down wards spiral, like the things you get in gardens that seem to disappear after a certain point. It just all interlocks so beautifully.
And then the violet hue that just melts into it. The love they show for their music is unreal. It is just so magical. It blends really well and it just looks so beautiful. Their music does sound slightly ethereal, but it is amazing and so unique it is impossible not to fall in love with it.
So here are some videos and pictures of the gig. Sorry about my poop singing in the background and stuff. But it was contagious!!
So I spent my afternoon in a small, crowded record shop just to listen to them play a few songs. It was amazing! They are really short and funny. But it was the best forty-five minutes of my life! They played a few songs, four or five. Three from their new album: 'We were hear' and two from older albums. It was AMAZING!
Now, being the stalker of a fan I am, I got all three of my albums signed (They have six, but the other three are on the computer) and I got my picture with them! They are really nice guys!
So the music itself is what made me fall in love with them. The lead singer, Olly Knights, has a voice that makes my knees go weak. It is a gorgeous shade of green. It is rich and like the colour of an emerald. It has that glorious green shine to it. It is so deep and gentle and beautiful. It just engulfs you in a veil of greenness.
And then you have the light green Tuesday of the guitar and the slightly more greener-green of the other guitar in those zigzags. And the dark blue of the harmony that Olly does with Gale. Gales voice is such a lovely peaceful blue. It is a dark sapphireish blue. Maybe a bit lighter and less deep and more see through. And the circles of the drums in the pinkish-red that just dance around. And the gentle explosion of stars in a cascade of orange and rose and indigo from the tambourine with the bells on. And the tiny, tiny, tiny triangles with rounded edges of the maraca that swirl in a washed out orange and red rain like down wards spiral, like the things you get in gardens that seem to disappear after a certain point. It just all interlocks so beautifully.
And then the violet hue that just melts into it. The love they show for their music is unreal. It is just so magical. It blends really well and it just looks so beautiful. Their music does sound slightly ethereal, but it is amazing and so unique it is impossible not to fall in love with it.
So here are some videos and pictures of the gig. Sorry about my poop singing in the background and stuff. But it was contagious!!
Well, there are a few videos. There are four of them, but to be honest, you're probably bored and the filming is so poor you aren't even listening. And I can't get them to upload. So ya know. But it was an amazing day! I LOVE IT!
Thinking...
So everyone has a different state of mind. Everyone thinks in different ways and everyone has a totally different way of looking at things. Some people understand things better than others and others understand totally different things. If everyone had the same state of mind, it would be boring. Very boring.
Understanding what goes on inside other peoples minds is not the easiest thing to do. To see the world or something from their point of view is one thing, but to understand the way they think and perhaps why is another thing entirely. Now, I may just be stupid, but I don't think a lot of people take the time to try and understand why people think the way they do. I mean, for example, how many of you have taken time to think about why someone does some of the things they do? I know it is not how the vast majority of people choose to spend their day, but I think that it is important that people do understand why people behave in certain ways.
If people could have this little machine that allowed them to live in another persons head for a day, I think there would be less arguments and people would understand things far better. If people lived in my head for a day, they'd go mad. All the colours that they would see and all the shapes. But then again, they would be able to understand things fully. Like why it is essential that I can run at least once a week. Seriously, if people would just let me run I would be far happier and possibly less hyper. Just once a week. It would make everything so much easier. See, in my head, unless I do exercise I'm going to get fat. And I know people see that as ridiculous, but I can't help thinking like that. It is just torched onto my brain that unless I exercise, I will get fat. It is this fear of food and being unable to exercise that drives me mad. But what do I value more: being able to control exercise and food, or having amazing mates who are just so darn awesome? Hmmm... Mates, most definitely. But the other is very very important.
But that is besides the point. If people took the time to ask "why?" and take a moment to try and see it through another persons eyes, then life would be far simpler. I mean, I get why my mates do things and get pissed of ect. I see why they see things in a certain way. I hope I've got it right. Otherwise I'm going to feel like a right numpty.
So yeah. This post was really just to fill up some of my time. And it was ponderous. I haven't written down most of the pondering because it is a load of waffle. But still, thinking and understanding why others may do something is an important people skill. People's minds are very complex and interesting things. Now it sounds funny. Meh.
Understanding what goes on inside other peoples minds is not the easiest thing to do. To see the world or something from their point of view is one thing, but to understand the way they think and perhaps why is another thing entirely. Now, I may just be stupid, but I don't think a lot of people take the time to try and understand why people think the way they do. I mean, for example, how many of you have taken time to think about why someone does some of the things they do? I know it is not how the vast majority of people choose to spend their day, but I think that it is important that people do understand why people behave in certain ways.
If people could have this little machine that allowed them to live in another persons head for a day, I think there would be less arguments and people would understand things far better. If people lived in my head for a day, they'd go mad. All the colours that they would see and all the shapes. But then again, they would be able to understand things fully. Like why it is essential that I can run at least once a week. Seriously, if people would just let me run I would be far happier and possibly less hyper. Just once a week. It would make everything so much easier. See, in my head, unless I do exercise I'm going to get fat. And I know people see that as ridiculous, but I can't help thinking like that. It is just torched onto my brain that unless I exercise, I will get fat. It is this fear of food and being unable to exercise that drives me mad. But what do I value more: being able to control exercise and food, or having amazing mates who are just so darn awesome? Hmmm... Mates, most definitely. But the other is very very important.
But that is besides the point. If people took the time to ask "why?" and take a moment to try and see it through another persons eyes, then life would be far simpler. I mean, I get why my mates do things and get pissed of ect. I see why they see things in a certain way. I hope I've got it right. Otherwise I'm going to feel like a right numpty.
So yeah. This post was really just to fill up some of my time. And it was ponderous. I haven't written down most of the pondering because it is a load of waffle. But still, thinking and understanding why others may do something is an important people skill. People's minds are very complex and interesting things. Now it sounds funny. Meh.
Saturday, 28 September 2013
Rock Man!
So I have the 'spesh' friend who I talk to in deranged noises. And I have the friend who makes me smile just because he is alive probably. He has been like a rock. A very tall rock. A very tall, talking rock. A very tall, talking, funny rock. Except he is not a rock.. That would be strange. I shall call him: Rock Man!
Anyho, Rock Man is a very caring person. He cares a lot about his friends and he tries to help them out in any way possible. He is trustworthy and honest. And is very amusing. Rock Man is always the person I have serious conversations with. We do have random ones, funny ones and strange ones. But they're mostly serious. Or the ones I remember are. I talk to Rock Man a lot.
I love Rock Mans voice. Man, it's beautiful and green and amazing. I've written about it quite a few times. So go and read about it. But I suppose that's one of the reasons I talk to Rock Man a lot, his voice is just stunning. It's green! And yes, I do talk to you because you're an awesome person.
But yeah, Rock Man is always the guy who I talk to about serious stuff. Don't know why. Well I do. It's because I trust him and I listen to him, although he may not think that. But I do listen to him. I honestly don't know how Rock Man puts up with all this stuff everyone off loads onto him? He is a superhero. Oh my gosh, yes... ROCK MAN! Awesome. But it is totally admirable. Man, he is simply the best.
We have the best conversations. When they're not all doom and gloom. They make me laugh. Especially when he is brutally honest. He says it how it is and hits the nail on the head every time.
Rock Man, we salute you!
Anyho, Rock Man is a very caring person. He cares a lot about his friends and he tries to help them out in any way possible. He is trustworthy and honest. And is very amusing. Rock Man is always the person I have serious conversations with. We do have random ones, funny ones and strange ones. But they're mostly serious. Or the ones I remember are. I talk to Rock Man a lot.
I love Rock Mans voice. Man, it's beautiful and green and amazing. I've written about it quite a few times. So go and read about it. But I suppose that's one of the reasons I talk to Rock Man a lot, his voice is just stunning. It's green! And yes, I do talk to you because you're an awesome person.
But yeah, Rock Man is always the guy who I talk to about serious stuff. Don't know why. Well I do. It's because I trust him and I listen to him, although he may not think that. But I do listen to him. I honestly don't know how Rock Man puts up with all this stuff everyone off loads onto him? He is a superhero. Oh my gosh, yes... ROCK MAN! Awesome. But it is totally admirable. Man, he is simply the best.
We have the best conversations. When they're not all doom and gloom. They make me laugh. Especially when he is brutally honest. He says it how it is and hits the nail on the head every time.
Rock Man, we salute you!
Do We Ever Have Serious Conversations?
I have this friend who I never seem to be able to have a serious conversation. We always seem to make stupid noises at each other. Come to think of it, I don't think we have ever said more than a few words without making a stupid sound. Our texts and skype conversations mostly consist of stupid noises. We are that cool!
It's like we have our own language. It's that awesome! Our eyes melt at anything that is not a stupid noise or three letter word. He is a 'spesh' person. Fabulous and 'spesh'. He is so funny and kind. And his laugh... It's very unique. Like you!
Our conversation yesterday consisted of animal noises. Man that was fun. And yet it was so deep and meaningful. We had another one where we made disgruntled noises. "Meh, gar, erg, arg, ahh." Just so you know. And today it seems to be along the lines of "lalalalalalalalalalalala" or something. See how meaningful and deep they are.
We also hug a lot. They often end in us almost falling over. Or they are long hugs that are awesome. It was funny, I got accused of taking one of my best mates boyfriend away and he got accused of cheating on her with me because we hug a lot. But I'm sorry, I'm not a whore-mean-bitch person. An he is a very loyal person and loves his girlfriend. They are so cute.
So, me and my mate spend most of our time making very stupid noises at each other or hugging or messing about and saying very little to each other. I love him. He is utterly deranged in the nicest possible way. Oink! Moo! Baa! So I come to the conclusion that we NEVER have serious conversations and NEVER will! It is beyond us. Too much effort. :D
Trust
Trust is the foundation for any sort of relationship in love. With out it, well you're going nowhere in life. You trust your friends to be there, to help, to be awesome. You trust your doctor to make the right call. You trust a heart surgeon to keep you alive. You have to trust other people, or life is just not going to work well for you. But then again you have to be trusted by other people in life or you are stuck. So damn stuck.
But when the trust you place in people is broken, man that is heart breaking. You feel a chill that touches the very core of you. So many emotions rush through you. You feel so many things but at the same time so dead. Next you are crashed into by a wave of an unbearable heat that just touches the surface of you. Then you're alone. Everything comes crashing down. All this dark red- the same colour as the word velvet. You're broken by the end of it. Heart break. And on top of that you feel like you are being torn in half by a tug of war game. Yellowish-pink stitches burst and you feel like someone is cutting you up with a saw. That's when your trust is broken. It is a horrible feeling.
Now saying all of that, trust itself is yellowy-blue. No it's not green. I would have written that otherwise. But it is a dark blue that is swirled in a clockwise direction with a yellow. It only mixes very slightly where it touches. It has the texture of acrylic paint after it has dried. It has different levels and is all up and down. Okay, it probably doesn't sound very nice, but believe me when I say it is.
So we've all had our trust broken right? It makes you feel like you could never trust someone again. And to be honest with you, it still feels like that sometimes. I trust people, but if they broke that trust... I don't know. Depends what it was. But people always used to break my trust in them. The mean beans. So forgive me if I'm selective with who I trust. The last person to break my trust, well I tried to push him down some stairs. The mean bean he was. Grrrr.
But being the hypocrite I am, I break peoples trust. Far too often to be fair. It is a bad habit of mine. A very bad habit. I wouldn't be surprised to wake up one day and find that people have left me and don't trust me. That's why I'm trying to change my ways. I can't live without human contact from people who take me for who I am. Sounds silly, but it hurts when people don't trust you. It makes you feel alone. Nobody wants to be alone in life. That's just plain miserable.
So trust is the foundation for everything in life. Trust, be trustworthy and don't trust the wrong people. Happy to say the people who I trust haven't broken that trust. This is such a hypocritical post. People just don't trust me. Ahhh well. Changing my ways. Now that sounds funny. TRUST!
But when the trust you place in people is broken, man that is heart breaking. You feel a chill that touches the very core of you. So many emotions rush through you. You feel so many things but at the same time so dead. Next you are crashed into by a wave of an unbearable heat that just touches the surface of you. Then you're alone. Everything comes crashing down. All this dark red- the same colour as the word velvet. You're broken by the end of it. Heart break. And on top of that you feel like you are being torn in half by a tug of war game. Yellowish-pink stitches burst and you feel like someone is cutting you up with a saw. That's when your trust is broken. It is a horrible feeling.
Image from leadingwithtrust.com
Now saying all of that, trust itself is yellowy-blue. No it's not green. I would have written that otherwise. But it is a dark blue that is swirled in a clockwise direction with a yellow. It only mixes very slightly where it touches. It has the texture of acrylic paint after it has dried. It has different levels and is all up and down. Okay, it probably doesn't sound very nice, but believe me when I say it is.
So we've all had our trust broken right? It makes you feel like you could never trust someone again. And to be honest with you, it still feels like that sometimes. I trust people, but if they broke that trust... I don't know. Depends what it was. But people always used to break my trust in them. The mean beans. So forgive me if I'm selective with who I trust. The last person to break my trust, well I tried to push him down some stairs. The mean bean he was. Grrrr.
But being the hypocrite I am, I break peoples trust. Far too often to be fair. It is a bad habit of mine. A very bad habit. I wouldn't be surprised to wake up one day and find that people have left me and don't trust me. That's why I'm trying to change my ways. I can't live without human contact from people who take me for who I am. Sounds silly, but it hurts when people don't trust you. It makes you feel alone. Nobody wants to be alone in life. That's just plain miserable.
So trust is the foundation for everything in life. Trust, be trustworthy and don't trust the wrong people. Happy to say the people who I trust haven't broken that trust. This is such a hypocritical post. People just don't trust me. Ahhh well. Changing my ways. Now that sounds funny. TRUST!
I Don't Know
I just don't know what to do any more. Life may be the most beautiful and awesome thing in the entire of everything. But you can't help but feel lost. Really lost. People get fed up of one another. They seem to do things for their own gain. I don't know. Where has everything gone?
There are things we don't tell anyone in life. We all have secrets and we all lie. No matter ho honest we are with one another, we still hide things. We still fill ourselves with a black sooty fog. We all do it. Man, there are so many secrets that I sit on. I still hide things. Who doesn't? Nobody is completely honest with themselves are they? But sometimes there are things we just want to share. We just want to get rid of all our secrets. But we don't know how people would react to them.
In an ideal world, they would sit and listen and accept. In reality... well... every individual is different and they react in different ways. Really different ways. But that's the beauty of being an individual, you are you. You are who you are!
So is hiding things and keeping secrets tightly locked up the best thing to do? For me, it seems like the only thing I have ever done: hide and keep secrets. I guess it feels safe in a strange way. If people knew what I thought and felt and did all the time, I'm pretty sure they would kill me after ten seconds. But I suppose we all would.
It's funny how after hiding everything for so long eats you up inside. The past is the past, but it still haunts you. People will still look at you for you for your past. I hate that. I don't know. But breaking this is harder than it seems. I've written about the past. But still, I don''t really write about the present. I couldn't say how I felt right this moment in time without feeling like a wall is going to squash me. It's funny that. It makes you feel lost.
Secrets and lies. It is a never ending circle. Hiding things. I used to hide things pretty well. Always put on a happy, smiling face and people never look twice. I don't know if that still applies. I guess not now I have said it. But when you put on that face people think that everything is fine. Well sometimes it is not. Sometimes you're having a party in your head and other times it's so empty and lonely. And people would never notice. That's a secret of mine. But yeah, I guess I don't do that as much any more.
Secrets are bad people. Hiding things is bad. Yes I am perhaps the biggest hypocrite ever, but trying to change your ways has to count for something?
There are things we don't tell anyone in life. We all have secrets and we all lie. No matter ho honest we are with one another, we still hide things. We still fill ourselves with a black sooty fog. We all do it. Man, there are so many secrets that I sit on. I still hide things. Who doesn't? Nobody is completely honest with themselves are they? But sometimes there are things we just want to share. We just want to get rid of all our secrets. But we don't know how people would react to them.
In an ideal world, they would sit and listen and accept. In reality... well... every individual is different and they react in different ways. Really different ways. But that's the beauty of being an individual, you are you. You are who you are!
So is hiding things and keeping secrets tightly locked up the best thing to do? For me, it seems like the only thing I have ever done: hide and keep secrets. I guess it feels safe in a strange way. If people knew what I thought and felt and did all the time, I'm pretty sure they would kill me after ten seconds. But I suppose we all would.
It's funny how after hiding everything for so long eats you up inside. The past is the past, but it still haunts you. People will still look at you for you for your past. I hate that. I don't know. But breaking this is harder than it seems. I've written about the past. But still, I don''t really write about the present. I couldn't say how I felt right this moment in time without feeling like a wall is going to squash me. It's funny that. It makes you feel lost.
Secrets and lies. It is a never ending circle. Hiding things. I used to hide things pretty well. Always put on a happy, smiling face and people never look twice. I don't know if that still applies. I guess not now I have said it. But when you put on that face people think that everything is fine. Well sometimes it is not. Sometimes you're having a party in your head and other times it's so empty and lonely. And people would never notice. That's a secret of mine. But yeah, I guess I don't do that as much any more.
Secrets are bad people. Hiding things is bad. Yes I am perhaps the biggest hypocrite ever, but trying to change your ways has to count for something?
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