Mermaid duck

Seriously, I want to live in a cartoon world. It would be so much better. For example I could be a mermaid or a duck or a much better version of me as a mermaid duck. What is life?

Lie

You lie when you say you're fine. You tell the truth by saying what's really on your mind. I'm empty.

Fight Campaign

Fight the media on the portrayal of body types for both men and women. Young children grow up with distorted views. Anorexia destroyed so many parts of my life. Don't let it do it to someone you love.

https://www.facebook.com/FightCampaign

What's going on?

Funny Thing

Funny thing is after a really bad day, you're still the person I want to talk to it about. When I fainted, you were the first person I wanted to call. It will take time to be just friends. But I'll fight nd fight and fight it. Who knows, maybe this will make us stronger or maybe this will prove that nobody can be with me. The funniest thing is, I hate that my fave thing in the whole world has gone.

That Cliché

That cliché of when you have your heart broken it feels like your heart has been shattered is true. So is the one about not being able to breath. It hurts.

My heart feels like it's been dropped from the top of the tallest building and smashed like fine china. It's this purple-pink colour. The purple is for love. I love my friend with all my heart and it's been smashed. The pink is the hurt. Oink is always pain and emotional pain is still pink. The purple pink fog that seems to be sitting around my heart means I can't breath. It hurts. It's that reminder that you can't pick up your phone and call them to tell them what's wrong. Last night all I wanted was a hug from them and for them to tell me it would be okay like they usually do. But I couldn't have that. Because they're gone for now.

Let's not dwell on it. But right now I hate you but want you back. I think it's gonna stay that way for a while. You said that it could be the biggest mistake you'd make. I'll give you time. Just don't look at me with those eyes full of pity. I hope you cried as much as I did.

If Life Was A Disney Movie...

If life was a Disney movie, there would be no heart break.
If life was a Disney movie, we'd never give up.
If life was a Disney movie, nobody would ever hurt.
If life was a Disney movie, I'd be a mermaid and live near Denmark and be just as miserable.

Tired

I'm tired of all the fighting.
Tired of all the hurt.
Tired of all the waiting.
Tired of it all.

Really?

To be quite honest what you implied hurt. I didn't think you'd ever do that. Well, you proved me wrong. Unless you are keeping a really wonderful secret, I suggest you think about it and think about what you want. It really hurt what you said. Or rather what you didn't say. Really? I thought you would have some sense and maybe, just maybe change your mind.

I Think It's Starting Again...

I think the constant blindness to the truth is starting again. The constant lie in my head. The constant counting and maths. The constant thoughts on how not to be me. I think it's started and I think I'm enjoying it. I think it's slowly creeping back into my life. I think it's the new environment. I think it's making me ill again.

All the watching, counting and hating. Don't forget the exercising. It's impulsive, And yet comforting. I think its starting again. I don't think it ever went...

Colour

What if the reason that we all like different colours is because we each have our own colour spectrum that makes other colours stand out?

That would mean that the blue and green shades stand out more for me than the pinks and yellows. Maybe that's why the colours mean different things to me? I love the colours that stand out because that's how my brain is programmed: to see those colours. And maybe that's why pink means bad and painful things: it fades into the background and for most shades, if not all, it makes my stomach churn to look at.

It would be funny if that were the case. Everyone's life would be so different. Everyone would see the colours in such a different way and have different ideas about about the intensity and richness of each colour. Almost makes you want to research it... But not quite.

Let Down

My dad is a let down. Time and time again he lets me down and makes empty promises and he always messes things up for me, like my dream job. He always does it. He drinks and drinks and drinks and hurts me emotionally time and time again. I guess I should have learnt by now not to trust him or to know that he will let me down.

It sounds trivial but its always about my older sister and younger brother with him. I'm just his spare. I don't mind that but its when he tells you this and then lies about it to his friends and makes out how much he cares about you. But when did he ever take me to karate or to a fight. When did he ever offer to help me learn piano or to buy me a book. He has never helped me with anything. There's never anything for me.

He has let me down too many times. He messes up my chances at anything I want to do. That's because he is a drunk and nasty man who deserves nothing from his life any more. He expects you to tip toe around his drinking and how he feels. He goes off without telling anyone and then gets pissed when you don't care or notice. He is a nasty man who drives around drunk and hurts you. And he lets you down and messes life up for you if you aren't like him.

He is a nasty man who shouts and tries to make out that he is incapable of anything. I'd rather he was out of my life forever so that I can never be hurt or let down by him again. Mum says all men are like that. But if they are, I'm going to have a lonely life because of him.