Blue Skies

So, the Song "Blue Skies" by Noah and the Whale springs to mind as it fits these past few days and probably the next few weeks perfectly:

This is a song for anyone
With a broken heart
This is a song for anyone
Who can't get out of bed

I'll do anything
To be happy
Oh, 'cause blue skies are calling
But I know that it's hard

This is the last song that I write
While still in love with you
This is the last song that I write
While you're even on my mind

Cause it's time to leave
Those feelings behind
Oh, 'cause blue skies are calling
But I know that it's hard

I don't think that it's the end
But I know we can't keep going
I don't think that it's the end
But I know we can't keep going

But blue skies are calling
Oh, yeah, blue skies are calling
Oh, blue skies are calling
But I know that it's hard

The lyrics really mean a lot to me at the moment. I've been feeling so low and angry with the world and some days, I haven't wanted to get out of bed or go to college or even see my mates at the end of the week. But this is it. I don't what we had to be over, but it wasn't working how it should have. So, I'm putting my beliefs to the side as it is time to move on. We can't keep going. If it works out in the future, great. But we both know that's never going to happen. It is time to move on. 

In moving on, there will be days when I pine and there will be days when it is time to leave those feelings behind and look back with fondness and know that slowly it's getting better. We have to move on, stop fighting and let what will happen, happen. 

It applies to everyone it feels like I'm losing or lost. Friendships are good whilst they last, but you can't hang on to them if they aren't going to make you happy. Yes, I've felt so miserable for months and it just gets worse the more I dwell on how lonely it is now, but there are blue skies and rainbows, unicorns, smiles and laughter on the way. It's not going to bad forever. 

If you told me that things would get better this time last year, I wouldn't have believed you. I was stick thin, really not right in my head, miserable and wanting the impossible. Now I'm fighting for everything I want and not letting anything get in my way. I've changed as a person. I've grown into someone who can stand on my own two feet. I've changed. People change. 

People changing is why friendships change. It's why friendships fall apart. You see someone who was already arrogant becoming so far up themselves that they are unbearable. They swear and cross the lines and don't stop. They don't know when to, or rather they choose not to. That's a change from the arrogant but caring friend you had. Another friend changes as they are vulnerable. They feel exposed and scared and make rash decisions. They make bad decisions and then they lie. They impulsively lie and things that didn't bother them before or would have made them laugh, make them bitter now. They see it all as a personal attack and they don't understand why someone would have turned on them. They are scared and when people get to close they run. They put up a front that's not them and the kind, sweet and funny person is gone. Another change. Another looks down their nose even more. Belittle's everyone around them, making them feel even worse and inferior. They weren't ever like that. They always made the effort and thought that all of us were equals. 

So, with the blue skies on the horizon, it's time to swallow my pride and accept that this is going to be the loneliest time of my life, this week. My birthday will go unnoticed by most. The things I want to do will be ignored or people will lie as they don't want to be there. But that's okay. It is a time to get my study head back. I'll look back at moments over the past year with fondness. I won't regret anything I've done, any decision, because it has been the best time of my life. 

Explosion

Everything in life just seems to be exploding in a bubble of chaos and confusing. Why?

I'm Practically A Vegan... :O

So, I went to the doctors and he was like "Hmmmm maybe you shouldn't eat dairy for a while" :( and then this morning, it hit me! I'm practically a vegan :O I don't eat meat or egg and now I can't have milk based things. :( WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TOO?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

Retrospect- The Last Quite A Long Time

So, in retrospect of the last however many months that equates to too many days and too many hours with an impossible number of seconds, I've concluded that people aren't hat they seem. Those you thought to be people you can rely on may not be and those you only vaguely know turn out to be better than others you know.

The people that you love will change over time. The people that you care about will fade in and out of how much you care. The way you act around people will change and the way you are will never be the same. You have moments in your life when you will be the most fun person to be around, and moments when you are not. My moment at the moment is the not. But that doesn't bother me, because my time will come again.

A wise friend told me today that it would be heartbreaking to watch me go back to the way I was. I relied on one person so much that we lost who we were along the way. Everyday who you are friends with changes and it gets harder to make a decision the more you get to know somebody. And the things you want to do also change. We all change so much and that's a scary thought. Change is scary.

I guess the reason why change is so scary is because we aren't used to it. I want to hang on to the safe environment that I've created for myself. It was really warm and purple and hugged me in a warm blanket by the fire with a warm cup of tea. It's the nice safe feeling that you get. Maybe your favourite place. Or you favourite thing. My safety is the warmth that I get and the rainbow of colours that are in my world.

So forgive and forget. Love and cry. Be happy and sad and move on with life. We all make mistakes and we all learn from our experiences. We all have memories and sometimes that's for the best. And today has really shown me that there are more important things in life than the pain you put yourself through when you can move on with life and worry about things that need your attention.

Life...Again...

Life is a funny thing. It's a sad thing, a beautiful thing, a wonderful thing, a horrible thing. And sometimes all it takes is a kick in the right direction from a friend and then it doesn't seem so bad.

Today, I learnt that I've got to stop moaning and whinnying so much. I'm stubborn and clingy and needy. I'm hard to tolerate and I'm annoying. I can stop all that. I can make myself a different person. My fun side isn't as strong as it was. It hasn't been there for a while, but I've got to learn to separate the good from the bad and not let people in on it because it drags them down.

So, moving on, I have to move on. I want my friendships to stay and I want to move out of the past. And to do so, I've got to shut my world out and forget bout it. I have to live for others. When others are happy, I'm happy. I love my friends, I miss them. So let's move on and see where the world takes us. Here's to the future

Lyrics

Recently, I have found a lot of comfort in Josh Turner's lyrics. They have made me happy and fitted perfectly when I'm down. The rich tones in his voice are only enhanced by the lyrics he writes. He writes about love, heartbreak, God and sacrifices he is willing to make.

His music is from the soul and really does make me feel better. It's so upbeat and wonderful. I could listen to his voice all day long and it just levels out my mood. Makes the hyper less scary and the sad less sad. It's wonderful.