Yay! Mocks! Woop Woop! The weeks are blurring together. Everyone is stressed, tired and completely out of it. That's what GCSEs do.
Seriously, the education system is messed up. We are making decisions that are going to dictate the rest of our life at 14 and sitting the exams at 16. Seriously, which bright spark thought that it was a good idea to make sleepy, moody and emotional people make such massive decisions? It has no logic...
But anyway, the mocks are nearly over! Yaya! And then we have the real things! I'm really looking forward to them if I'm honest! I love studying, learning and creating the revision pages! It's so fun... even the Latin!
But squashing the mocks into two weeks was not a good idea. Everyone looks tired as a tired monster who just wants to sleep. It does feel like there are two hocks under my eyes and are pulling them closed. Its ridonkulous. Everyone is on edge and dog tired and so touchy!
No joke, you can't even have a joke without someone biting the others head off because everyone is so tired and stressed. But ma friendship groups are so strong that we all know its just stress and tiredness and general "AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG"ness.
But, the best thing about the mocks is enjoying the exam and the countless Disney movies I get to watch to unwind! I <3 Disney! OOOooooo look at that, "text talk"... you should be proud!
Tuesday, 4 February 2014
Tuesday, 28 January 2014
Call Me A Heartless Bitch...
Call me a heartless bitch why don't you. They all do it. If anything it's motivation. Motivation to get out. To prove everyone who has ever doubted me wrong. To achieve my dreams. But it's motivation never the less.
So it's come to the point in our lives when we have to choose a place to take A levels. Most of my friends are going to grammar school or a private school. I do want to go to one. I do. It's been a dream since I was about 9, but I didn't apply to any.
I did this for several reasons. I didn't like the atmosphere or the uniform. I wouldn't fit in. I wouldn't have the self confidence that I want. And there would be no self motivation to do well. None at all. So that's why I'm going to the college where the majority of the pupils go. To have the motivation. To be with a group made up of a fair few of the most amazing people I know. But to have the self motivation and determination and work ethic to get me into an excellent uni and to get through med school. Because it's my dream and I am not going to give up on it no matter how much people will put you down.
I'm not changing for anyone. So if I cold bitch is what I'm like to you, well deal with it. If you wonder why I find it hard to be in the same room as you when your like that, then maybe you should look at your actions and stop taking it out on me. If my views conflict with yours, well stop and think and let me have an opinion. Stop lying and being rude. Stop taking it out on me. Because one day I'm going to be a doctor and prove you three wrong!!
So it's come to the point in our lives when we have to choose a place to take A levels. Most of my friends are going to grammar school or a private school. I do want to go to one. I do. It's been a dream since I was about 9, but I didn't apply to any.
I did this for several reasons. I didn't like the atmosphere or the uniform. I wouldn't fit in. I wouldn't have the self confidence that I want. And there would be no self motivation to do well. None at all. So that's why I'm going to the college where the majority of the pupils go. To have the motivation. To be with a group made up of a fair few of the most amazing people I know. But to have the self motivation and determination and work ethic to get me into an excellent uni and to get through med school. Because it's my dream and I am not going to give up on it no matter how much people will put you down.
I'm not changing for anyone. So if I cold bitch is what I'm like to you, well deal with it. If you wonder why I find it hard to be in the same room as you when your like that, then maybe you should look at your actions and stop taking it out on me. If my views conflict with yours, well stop and think and let me have an opinion. Stop lying and being rude. Stop taking it out on me. Because one day I'm going to be a doctor and prove you three wrong!!
Saturday, 18 January 2014
Request
So this one is more of a request. I'm sorry if it's not what you expected or you don't like it, but I'm not going to lie on something that plays a part in my life. So, hope you understand or enjoy!
Take the colour orange. Dim it down to a darker, less vibrant shade. Then take the light shading of 'cryola' light brown pencil then mix the two together. A light, dark number Brown sorta colour. To me orange is always gonna have anger to its name. And it's not hard to see that there us anger in you. But you cover it up with layers upon layers of ochre yellow and a burgundyish red. Ochre means that when you are troubled, you bury it and try to solve what others are going through. Although this is not a bad thing, one can't but help think that maybe onlooker faced what was troubling them as opposed to burying it, then maybe there would be no need to hide who you are. The burgundy in this instance, because it is not actually burgundy but I can't find the words, means good intention but reserved. A bit like the number 7. But I think that you struggle to let this colour shine through.
I may be completely wrong, but there is orange in your voice. I don't think you know that it is their. The first time I ever properly took notice of your voice the orange was scary. I think that there is something going on and your not taking notice of it.
I wish the burgundyish colour in your voice was given more of a chance as it could be something that properly reflects you, but it's mixed in with so many more clues that it is nit given the chance. This is not something that anyone can really help with as you have to let the colours shine through in their own time and way. But you can help.
There are some nice colours there, but they're just masked with a lot of other things and it takes some searching to find it. You'd need to deconstruct the colours there to get the right one. And when I did that. I saw it and it fitted. But there is a lot going on there.
Take the colour orange. Dim it down to a darker, less vibrant shade. Then take the light shading of 'cryola' light brown pencil then mix the two together. A light, dark number Brown sorta colour. To me orange is always gonna have anger to its name. And it's not hard to see that there us anger in you. But you cover it up with layers upon layers of ochre yellow and a burgundyish red. Ochre means that when you are troubled, you bury it and try to solve what others are going through. Although this is not a bad thing, one can't but help think that maybe onlooker faced what was troubling them as opposed to burying it, then maybe there would be no need to hide who you are. The burgundy in this instance, because it is not actually burgundy but I can't find the words, means good intention but reserved. A bit like the number 7. But I think that you struggle to let this colour shine through.
I may be completely wrong, but there is orange in your voice. I don't think you know that it is their. The first time I ever properly took notice of your voice the orange was scary. I think that there is something going on and your not taking notice of it.
I wish the burgundyish colour in your voice was given more of a chance as it could be something that properly reflects you, but it's mixed in with so many more clues that it is nit given the chance. This is not something that anyone can really help with as you have to let the colours shine through in their own time and way. But you can help.
There are some nice colours there, but they're just masked with a lot of other things and it takes some searching to find it. You'd need to deconstruct the colours there to get the right one. And when I did that. I saw it and it fitted. But there is a lot going on there.
Monday, 6 January 2014
Starlight!
There is something about looking up at the night sky and seeing all the stars smiling (or frowning) back down at you! It is beautiful but at the same time makes you feel completely and utterly worthless! The way that they make the sky seem a deep, deep, rich velvety navy-royal blue! They just bring out the colour of the sky!
Then the night air tastes and smells so different to the normal air in the day! It tastes and smells crisper and fresher and cleaner! Then with the stars it tastes like a cascade of raining diamonds in a grey light! Flickers of light just falling down and shimmering and shining in every direction!
And if you sit in the middle of a field with a fire gently crackling in burgundy flecks and the grass damp beneath your blanket and a cup of tea by the fire and lie down and just look at the sky, you can hear the most beautiful music. Its so quite and the colours and shapes of all the little noises create an orchestra in your vision...
The burgundy flecks of the fire is the harp playing so softly. The gentile hum of all the insects are the violins and violas in an orange buzz. The occasional pass of a car goes by in a fizz of haribo and is the drum. The owl is the piano in a shower of blues and purples and greens. The rustle of the leaves is the collection of clarinets, oboes and bassoons in a wisp of yellows and mellow greens and blues. The taste of the air creates the flutes. And the quiet sound of your breathing creates the royal red of the cello. Finally the stars create the deep, deep, rich, velvety navy-royal blue of the Bass...
BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sounds mad, but that's just me!
Then the night air tastes and smells so different to the normal air in the day! It tastes and smells crisper and fresher and cleaner! Then with the stars it tastes like a cascade of raining diamonds in a grey light! Flickers of light just falling down and shimmering and shining in every direction!
And if you sit in the middle of a field with a fire gently crackling in burgundy flecks and the grass damp beneath your blanket and a cup of tea by the fire and lie down and just look at the sky, you can hear the most beautiful music. Its so quite and the colours and shapes of all the little noises create an orchestra in your vision...
The burgundy flecks of the fire is the harp playing so softly. The gentile hum of all the insects are the violins and violas in an orange buzz. The occasional pass of a car goes by in a fizz of haribo and is the drum. The owl is the piano in a shower of blues and purples and greens. The rustle of the leaves is the collection of clarinets, oboes and bassoons in a wisp of yellows and mellow greens and blues. The taste of the air creates the flutes. And the quiet sound of your breathing creates the royal red of the cello. Finally the stars create the deep, deep, rich, velvety navy-royal blue of the Bass...
BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sounds mad, but that's just me!
Friday, 27 December 2013
Inner Peace
Okay, going hippy again... got on ma purple jeans and I have a green tea and some strange music and I'm talking about inner peace.
Its something we all want to find. To be truly happy with yourself and feel utterly calm and happy. Why doesn't truly have an e init? But any way, to feel like you are at peace with yourself and you are relaxed and happy. No waging war inside of you.
Its a rich deep green the colour of a new baby holly leaf. It is so endless and beautiful. Just spirals inside you with a blue the shade of blue 'Smarties'- a baby blue but so light and gentle. Where the colours mix it makes a yellow that is so bold but not overpowering. Around the edges there is that deep horizon, sea blue green of joy. The green is happiness and the blue is peace and the yellow is just so relaxed and prominent. I can't think of a comparative!
Everything is so clear and beautiful and why hate love when you can be in love with it!?!? Why hate it at all? BE like the turtle!
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| Totally due... Picture from forums.mtbr.com |
Its something we all want to find. To be truly happy with yourself and feel utterly calm and happy. Why doesn't truly have an e init? But any way, to feel like you are at peace with yourself and you are relaxed and happy. No waging war inside of you.
Its a rich deep green the colour of a new baby holly leaf. It is so endless and beautiful. Just spirals inside you with a blue the shade of blue 'Smarties'- a baby blue but so light and gentle. Where the colours mix it makes a yellow that is so bold but not overpowering. Around the edges there is that deep horizon, sea blue green of joy. The green is happiness and the blue is peace and the yellow is just so relaxed and prominent. I can't think of a comparative!
Everything is so clear and beautiful and why hate love when you can be in love with it!?!? Why hate it at all? BE like the turtle!
Wednesday, 25 December 2013
Christmas
Christmas is a time of year which the majority of people love. A time for family, food, presents and other stuff. It is supposed to be a magical time of year. Full of laughter, joy and drunken merriness. But I'm a scrooge so it doesn't mean anything to me. It's just another day.
But this year has been better. I don't know if it has been because of my friends who are all mad and lovely, or it feels like the end of a year long downwards spiral and I'm finally on the way out, or if it's because I've let go of my hate for the world and humanity. But all I can say is that this year I no longer have this strong hate for this holiday.
Since December last year I am proud to say that I have got so much better! I no longer find myself in this big black hole of depression or self hate or anything like that! I haven't self harmed in months :) and I am alot happier. My weight is stable and my life seems to be together and happy!
Christmas does have some magic I guess. Coz it makes you realise how greatful you are. I love life and I love every person in my life! Thank you for being there and thank you for being the most supportive and wonderful friends I have ever had. Thank you ma girls, ma bitches, ma dudes and ma babe! Thank you for being the most wonderful human beings on the planet! I love you all!!!!!!!! xxxxx
But this year has been better. I don't know if it has been because of my friends who are all mad and lovely, or it feels like the end of a year long downwards spiral and I'm finally on the way out, or if it's because I've let go of my hate for the world and humanity. But all I can say is that this year I no longer have this strong hate for this holiday.
Since December last year I am proud to say that I have got so much better! I no longer find myself in this big black hole of depression or self hate or anything like that! I haven't self harmed in months :) and I am alot happier. My weight is stable and my life seems to be together and happy!
Christmas does have some magic I guess. Coz it makes you realise how greatful you are. I love life and I love every person in my life! Thank you for being there and thank you for being the most supportive and wonderful friends I have ever had. Thank you ma girls, ma bitches, ma dudes and ma babe! Thank you for being the most wonderful human beings on the planet! I love you all!!!!!!!! xxxxx
Tuesday, 24 December 2013
Explosion!
I want to share something with you. Just so one of you can see something and understand. So feel special little people, the cyber monkeys have not got this one!
I've spent two weeks trying to get this word perfect and the descriptions just right. I want to tell you what it looks and feels like but somehow, words always fail me. Sounding stupid now. And I remember that one when my dear Alexeo wrote the cutest post to Maya (seriously how did it not make you cry!?!?!?) that you would be mortified if someone did that to you. Well, I'm sorry but I want you to see just how magical it is!
It is an explosion of deep beautiful greens and silver. Then a wash of violet and then swirl of that blue-green turquoise so pure and deep. The silver of others happiness exploding in this new colour you've never seen...
Such a deep and beautiful colour. So green. It is a dark deep velvet green. So earthy and moss like but so vibrant and alive. It explodes like a paint tin falling of a shelf and the paint spilling out... just a freeze frame of that one moment. And then the silver balls shoot out and leave a trail of silver, like a comet...
...It then gets washed with a pale beautiful icy huge of violet. There is so much violet it is like a storm of the most beautiful octave in the world. It swirls around like the twisting shape of galaxies and for a few moments it darkens into a richer, more amethyst purple. It doesn't pulsate but just gradually changes purple, but the whole time it is still that violet, that same beautiful violet that is like swallowing and ice cube on a hot day. The same purple that just somehow refreshes you ...
... then happiness... The beautiful depths of my happiness and the silver. It swirls about. It is so beautiful. It's not like the happiness I described happiness as pure happiness. Its more like joy but pure joy and happiness mixed together in a blue-green haze. It looks like pencil shading, You can see the lines of the pencil... but its soft. Its intense. Brighter. It stares at you. It swirls around you. Like a fog, just engulfing you. It is amazing. So beautiful....
... A rich turquoise so shiny and almost reflective explodes across me but it is confined to one area (makes sense to me- don't judge). It is again' like that paint falling off the shelf and you have that image of it frozen just as it begins to expand... that beautiful messy shape. The turquoise is made of such a rich, royal blue. Not quite your typical navy, but more like the 'Cryola' version. And the green is a jade green and then there is a mix of yellow. It is such a rich turquoise... It is the only time I see it, I don't know what to quite call it... but it is so beautiful...
I hope you don't get the wrong idea about this post. Seriously, I don't know how it will come across to you bunch of strangers. But this has taken me hours to get right. Every word is chosen so carefully. You know I don't see the world how others do, and this is what I see when I'm with you!
Luv ya!! XX
I've spent two weeks trying to get this word perfect and the descriptions just right. I want to tell you what it looks and feels like but somehow, words always fail me. Sounding stupid now. And I remember that one when my dear Alexeo wrote the cutest post to Maya (seriously how did it not make you cry!?!?!?) that you would be mortified if someone did that to you. Well, I'm sorry but I want you to see just how magical it is!
It is an explosion of deep beautiful greens and silver. Then a wash of violet and then swirl of that blue-green turquoise so pure and deep. The silver of others happiness exploding in this new colour you've never seen...
Such a deep and beautiful colour. So green. It is a dark deep velvet green. So earthy and moss like but so vibrant and alive. It explodes like a paint tin falling of a shelf and the paint spilling out... just a freeze frame of that one moment. And then the silver balls shoot out and leave a trail of silver, like a comet...
...It then gets washed with a pale beautiful icy huge of violet. There is so much violet it is like a storm of the most beautiful octave in the world. It swirls around like the twisting shape of galaxies and for a few moments it darkens into a richer, more amethyst purple. It doesn't pulsate but just gradually changes purple, but the whole time it is still that violet, that same beautiful violet that is like swallowing and ice cube on a hot day. The same purple that just somehow refreshes you ...
... then happiness... The beautiful depths of my happiness and the silver. It swirls about. It is so beautiful. It's not like the happiness I described happiness as pure happiness. Its more like joy but pure joy and happiness mixed together in a blue-green haze. It looks like pencil shading, You can see the lines of the pencil... but its soft. Its intense. Brighter. It stares at you. It swirls around you. Like a fog, just engulfing you. It is amazing. So beautiful....
... A rich turquoise so shiny and almost reflective explodes across me but it is confined to one area (makes sense to me- don't judge). It is again' like that paint falling off the shelf and you have that image of it frozen just as it begins to expand... that beautiful messy shape. The turquoise is made of such a rich, royal blue. Not quite your typical navy, but more like the 'Cryola' version. And the green is a jade green and then there is a mix of yellow. It is such a rich turquoise... It is the only time I see it, I don't know what to quite call it... but it is so beautiful...
I hope you don't get the wrong idea about this post. Seriously, I don't know how it will come across to you bunch of strangers. But this has taken me hours to get right. Every word is chosen so carefully. You know I don't see the world how others do, and this is what I see when I'm with you!
Luv ya!! XX
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