I am so fed up of this. Fed up of people,feeling angry, feeling ignored and rejected. Fed up of feeling like the third wheel wherever I go. Feeling like I am unwanted, wherever I go. Fed up of feeling like I can't have a normal convention as everyone thinks that something is wrong, but all I want is a conversation about anything.
I'm fed up. I'm angry. I feel slightly depressed. And I feel pretty darn worthless. I don't know if people genuinely don't want me there or it has nothing to do with them. I don't know if people are annoyed by me. Right now, I feel pretty darn worthless and isolated. It may just be today and the rest of the week, but I have the sense that people just don't want me there.
So forgive me if I'm being stupid, but can somebody just tell me something and anything. It is pissing me off. I can't read people's minds, so how the hell am I supposed to know!
Showing posts with label Rants to make you feel better. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rants to make you feel better. Show all posts
Wednesday, 2 October 2013
Monday, 16 September 2013
Can't But Help Putting My Foot In It.
I put my foot in it a lot. Even if I don't mean to. It may just be one word, a poor bit of phrasing or the people who can't handle who I am. But it seems like the past few days, the only think I've done is put my foot in it. And it does feel like it's always my fault. When it's not... every one in a hundred times.
So what have I done? Well I tried to look out for a friend (and although she says we've done the right thing, everyone else doesn't think that), I argue with my mum practically every other sentence. I say something and then my mum gets angry. I say something and then my dad gets all patronising. And I walk away a lot. I argue my point.
The thing that's ticking me off at the moment is my mother. It seems that I can't speak without her getting unnecessarily angry. She gets all hissy at me when I don't speak to her much, but when I do speak to her nothing seems to be right. She doesn't listen. She is so closed minded at the moment. There is one set of rules for her, and another for me and another for my brother. These rules change everyday.
Loads of people seem to really like my mum, but they don't live with her. Yes she can be fun and lovely, but most of the time she is a stressed, angry, closed minded person. We don't get on. When you live with someone who only has their way of life, confrontation is inevitable. The little facade I put on when I'm around her and their are other people there is perfect. Everyone thinks we get on. When really we don't. I dislike her quite a lot of the time, and she knows it.
So even if you say: "I think that was unnecessary", she flies of the handle and goes on at you how you are unnecessary and that I can't speak to her like that and that she knows what's right and to top it off she ends it with you're always horrible. Love that women. Just can't get enough of her.
So yeah, I put my whole body in my grave this evening by having opinions. Like I've said before, life is easier if you are a mindless drone. Maybe I'm the problem. Meh, I'm a person with opinions and a mind. Freedom of thought and expression. You know what, feeling down makes everything seem a lot worse.
So what have I done? Well I tried to look out for a friend (and although she says we've done the right thing, everyone else doesn't think that), I argue with my mum practically every other sentence. I say something and then my mum gets angry. I say something and then my dad gets all patronising. And I walk away a lot. I argue my point.
The thing that's ticking me off at the moment is my mother. It seems that I can't speak without her getting unnecessarily angry. She gets all hissy at me when I don't speak to her much, but when I do speak to her nothing seems to be right. She doesn't listen. She is so closed minded at the moment. There is one set of rules for her, and another for me and another for my brother. These rules change everyday.
Loads of people seem to really like my mum, but they don't live with her. Yes she can be fun and lovely, but most of the time she is a stressed, angry, closed minded person. We don't get on. When you live with someone who only has their way of life, confrontation is inevitable. The little facade I put on when I'm around her and their are other people there is perfect. Everyone thinks we get on. When really we don't. I dislike her quite a lot of the time, and she knows it.
So even if you say: "I think that was unnecessary", she flies of the handle and goes on at you how you are unnecessary and that I can't speak to her like that and that she knows what's right and to top it off she ends it with you're always horrible. Love that women. Just can't get enough of her.
So yeah, I put my whole body in my grave this evening by having opinions. Like I've said before, life is easier if you are a mindless drone. Maybe I'm the problem. Meh, I'm a person with opinions and a mind. Freedom of thought and expression. You know what, feeling down makes everything seem a lot worse.
Friday, 13 September 2013
The Grumpy Man
Oh my gosh! I don't get it! Why are men over the age of 50 so grumpy? It's like they have been possessed my a grumpy demon! I'm sure all men don't get grumpy, but oh my gosh one of the instructors for karate is a bit of a grumpy man. And that is the understatement of forever!
So, he is always late to his lessons. And leaves one of the junior instructors to do the warm up. Does he say thanks? No he looks at you like you are a bit of poop on his shoe! Grrr! And if you don't do the warm up... well he flys of the handle and takes the door with him! He needs to take a tone of chill pills!
And the personal remarks he makes. I could kill him! I'd chop of his head and feed it to lions or something! He has no right to call someone fat when he looks like a blundering elephant himself. And he can't say that you're stupid when he clearly cannot tell the time as he is always half an hour late to everything. This man causes so much aggravation that he needs a personality transplant.
Okay, this next one really takes the biscuit! He phones you up and orders you to be somewhere what is miles away in five minutes because he is stuck in traffic in Dover or some place. Like, hello? No! Cancel the damn thing! And then last week, he phoned me up and told me to walk to ANOTHER town because he would be late and to get the lesson started. I'm sorry but it is an hour walk. He can go shove his head down the loo and drown!
Rant over. But this man is a pain in the backside and I give up on him and his ungrateful, rude, mean and fat butt. Grrrrr!
So, he is always late to his lessons. And leaves one of the junior instructors to do the warm up. Does he say thanks? No he looks at you like you are a bit of poop on his shoe! Grrr! And if you don't do the warm up... well he flys of the handle and takes the door with him! He needs to take a tone of chill pills!
And the personal remarks he makes. I could kill him! I'd chop of his head and feed it to lions or something! He has no right to call someone fat when he looks like a blundering elephant himself. And he can't say that you're stupid when he clearly cannot tell the time as he is always half an hour late to everything. This man causes so much aggravation that he needs a personality transplant.
Okay, this next one really takes the biscuit! He phones you up and orders you to be somewhere what is miles away in five minutes because he is stuck in traffic in Dover or some place. Like, hello? No! Cancel the damn thing! And then last week, he phoned me up and told me to walk to ANOTHER town because he would be late and to get the lesson started. I'm sorry but it is an hour walk. He can go shove his head down the loo and drown!
Rant over. But this man is a pain in the backside and I give up on him and his ungrateful, rude, mean and fat butt. Grrrrr!
Wednesday, 11 September 2013
Bad Days
Bad days. We all have them. They're nothing out of the ordinary. They just happen. I suppost we have some control over this. But not an awful lot. And today was a bad day. In reflection it wasn't that bad, but it wasn't amazing or great or anything like that. It may have just been mundane, but it was bad in comparison to some other days I have had. So, this is my bad day that is really bugging me!
Waking up to a text from 3 hours ago is not the most pleasant thing in the world to be honest. Especially if there are two. Oopps. But to explain why it annoyed me, read this post from a while ago: http://octaveofviolet.blogspot.co.uk/2013/09/im-so-scared-and-i-hate-you.html This post was not directed at anybody. Not a single person! It was my hate for this thing that is in my head controlling everything I feel towards food and eating. That is all! That bugged me okay. I didn't realise it untill I got to school and saw someone. And I'm sorry. So sorry.
The next thing that made my day seem poop was a counselling session I had. They think I'm bordering on anorexea and want to refer me to CAMHS. Yes, it is probably the right thing to do. But to tell the truth I'm scared. I don't want it to happen. And nobody seems to get that. Sorry again if that is rude. But I'm scared and pretty annoyed! Yes, I admit I need help, but no, my parents will never know. Sorry if that seems stubborn. So yeah. Five days into the school year and already my GCSEs are looking like they won't happen. Great. People don't really understand how much effort I have to put in to even get a C grade. I'm not naturally that clever. I just work so incredibly hard. And yet thy all seem to bot see that. They think "oh look you're in top sets you must be clever". Well news flash people: I struggle a lot in these sets but I put so much hard work in, it's okay and I keep up. I don't want to screw up everything because I'm too scared to eat. And by everything I mean friendships, my future, other people's future and my last year at school.
Next up on the list is right now this very second. I know I'll regret this post later. I don't care right now. I don't care if the overwhnlmingly sweet pinkish-blue shower of regret will rain down on me later on. I'm scared. I know I say it a lot. But I'm angry too. I just want someone to talk to about this. I don't really know what's going on in my head right now. Something probably. But it's such a jumbled mess I don't know. Yes, I'm ranting and I'm writing down everything that pops into the writing part of my head. But I don't really want to get depressed again and suicidal because then I will loose everything. So screw that. Nothing is going to bring me down! Ever again. I love life too much. And yeah, the very vast majority of my mates are in relationships. That would be nice to be in a relationship. But who could ever put up with someone who is like an emotional yo-yo and has a huge fear of food? Come on, who would ever like that? Now I'm just being silly. I don't know where this is going. But I hope someone reads it. That would mean a lot. So if your still reading, sorry about this. But thank you. Again, I apologise for the ranting. It's a bit much. But I feel a lot better. Thanks for reading if you read it.
Waking up to a text from 3 hours ago is not the most pleasant thing in the world to be honest. Especially if there are two. Oopps. But to explain why it annoyed me, read this post from a while ago: http://octaveofviolet.blogspot.co.uk/2013/09/im-so-scared-and-i-hate-you.html This post was not directed at anybody. Not a single person! It was my hate for this thing that is in my head controlling everything I feel towards food and eating. That is all! That bugged me okay. I didn't realise it untill I got to school and saw someone. And I'm sorry. So sorry.
The next thing that made my day seem poop was a counselling session I had. They think I'm bordering on anorexea and want to refer me to CAMHS. Yes, it is probably the right thing to do. But to tell the truth I'm scared. I don't want it to happen. And nobody seems to get that. Sorry again if that is rude. But I'm scared and pretty annoyed! Yes, I admit I need help, but no, my parents will never know. Sorry if that seems stubborn. So yeah. Five days into the school year and already my GCSEs are looking like they won't happen. Great. People don't really understand how much effort I have to put in to even get a C grade. I'm not naturally that clever. I just work so incredibly hard. And yet thy all seem to bot see that. They think "oh look you're in top sets you must be clever". Well news flash people: I struggle a lot in these sets but I put so much hard work in, it's okay and I keep up. I don't want to screw up everything because I'm too scared to eat. And by everything I mean friendships, my future, other people's future and my last year at school.
Next up on the list is right now this very second. I know I'll regret this post later. I don't care right now. I don't care if the overwhnlmingly sweet pinkish-blue shower of regret will rain down on me later on. I'm scared. I know I say it a lot. But I'm angry too. I just want someone to talk to about this. I don't really know what's going on in my head right now. Something probably. But it's such a jumbled mess I don't know. Yes, I'm ranting and I'm writing down everything that pops into the writing part of my head. But I don't really want to get depressed again and suicidal because then I will loose everything. So screw that. Nothing is going to bring me down! Ever again. I love life too much. And yeah, the very vast majority of my mates are in relationships. That would be nice to be in a relationship. But who could ever put up with someone who is like an emotional yo-yo and has a huge fear of food? Come on, who would ever like that? Now I'm just being silly. I don't know where this is going. But I hope someone reads it. That would mean a lot. So if your still reading, sorry about this. But thank you. Again, I apologise for the ranting. It's a bit much. But I feel a lot better. Thanks for reading if you read it.
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