I am so fed up of this. Fed up of people,feeling angry, feeling ignored and rejected. Fed up of feeling like the third wheel wherever I go. Feeling like I am unwanted, wherever I go. Fed up of feeling like I can't have a normal convention as everyone thinks that something is wrong, but all I want is a conversation about anything.
I'm fed up. I'm angry. I feel slightly depressed. And I feel pretty darn worthless. I don't know if people genuinely don't want me there or it has nothing to do with them. I don't know if people are annoyed by me. Right now, I feel pretty darn worthless and isolated. It may just be today and the rest of the week, but I have the sense that people just don't want me there.
So forgive me if I'm being stupid, but can somebody just tell me something and anything. It is pissing me off. I can't read people's minds, so how the hell am I supposed to know!
Showing posts with label Regret. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Regret. Show all posts
Wednesday, 2 October 2013
Wednesday, 11 September 2013
Regrets...
Really regret a fair few things in life. And if I could wind back the clocks I would. I'd love the opportunity to do things differently but still know what I did wrong and the consequences of that.
Regret is a sweet pinkish-blue. Artificial is probably a better word, but sweet is what is in my head. The pink is like the pink you get in those yoghurts that are all artificial strawberries or raspberries or something like that. That horrid pale pink. It's just so artificial even if it says natural on the packet. And the blue is that bright blue of food dye you get. It's the colour when it's in the bottle. The two colours are abstractly swirled together and they only blend very slightly at the edges. It catches you by surprise even though you know it's coming. It plunges over you like something horrid and it leaves your hair feeling all greasy and fowl.
The things I regret most in life are nothing to be proud of as otherwise I wouldn't regret it. Obviously. I think I regret myself mostly. Maybe if I was different things would be better for others. That would be nice. Fabulous even. But who knows. Made a bit of a pickle out of a few friendships that mean a lot to me. That's highly regrettable and again my fault. If I was different then maybe it wouldn't have happened. But then if I was different I may not have those friendships.
Meh, I am who I am. And yeah. Nothing I can do other than regret and try to resolve it I guess. Yeah. I guess. Sorry.
Regret is a sweet pinkish-blue. Artificial is probably a better word, but sweet is what is in my head. The pink is like the pink you get in those yoghurts that are all artificial strawberries or raspberries or something like that. That horrid pale pink. It's just so artificial even if it says natural on the packet. And the blue is that bright blue of food dye you get. It's the colour when it's in the bottle. The two colours are abstractly swirled together and they only blend very slightly at the edges. It catches you by surprise even though you know it's coming. It plunges over you like something horrid and it leaves your hair feeling all greasy and fowl.
The things I regret most in life are nothing to be proud of as otherwise I wouldn't regret it. Obviously. I think I regret myself mostly. Maybe if I was different things would be better for others. That would be nice. Fabulous even. But who knows. Made a bit of a pickle out of a few friendships that mean a lot to me. That's highly regrettable and again my fault. If I was different then maybe it wouldn't have happened. But then if I was different I may not have those friendships.
Meh, I am who I am. And yeah. Nothing I can do other than regret and try to resolve it I guess. Yeah. I guess. Sorry.
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