So, in retrospect of the last however many months that equates to too many days and too many hours with an impossible number of seconds, I've concluded that people aren't hat they seem. Those you thought to be people you can rely on may not be and those you only vaguely know turn out to be better than others you know.
The people that you love will change over time. The people that you care about will fade in and out of how much you care. The way you act around people will change and the way you are will never be the same. You have moments in your life when you will be the most fun person to be around, and moments when you are not. My moment at the moment is the not. But that doesn't bother me, because my time will come again.
A wise friend told me today that it would be heartbreaking to watch me go back to the way I was. I relied on one person so much that we lost who we were along the way. Everyday who you are friends with changes and it gets harder to make a decision the more you get to know somebody. And the things you want to do also change. We all change so much and that's a scary thought. Change is scary.
I guess the reason why change is so scary is because we aren't used to it. I want to hang on to the safe environment that I've created for myself. It was really warm and purple and hugged me in a warm blanket by the fire with a warm cup of tea. It's the nice safe feeling that you get. Maybe your favourite place. Or you favourite thing. My safety is the warmth that I get and the rainbow of colours that are in my world.
So forgive and forget. Love and cry. Be happy and sad and move on with life. We all make mistakes and we all learn from our experiences. We all have memories and sometimes that's for the best. And today has really shown me that there are more important things in life than the pain you put yourself through when you can move on with life and worry about things that need your attention.
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