Blue Skies

So, the Song "Blue Skies" by Noah and the Whale springs to mind as it fits these past few days and probably the next few weeks perfectly:

This is a song for anyone
With a broken heart
This is a song for anyone
Who can't get out of bed

I'll do anything
To be happy
Oh, 'cause blue skies are calling
But I know that it's hard

This is the last song that I write
While still in love with you
This is the last song that I write
While you're even on my mind

Cause it's time to leave
Those feelings behind
Oh, 'cause blue skies are calling
But I know that it's hard

I don't think that it's the end
But I know we can't keep going
I don't think that it's the end
But I know we can't keep going

But blue skies are calling
Oh, yeah, blue skies are calling
Oh, blue skies are calling
But I know that it's hard

The lyrics really mean a lot to me at the moment. I've been feeling so low and angry with the world and some days, I haven't wanted to get out of bed or go to college or even see my mates at the end of the week. But this is it. I don't what we had to be over, but it wasn't working how it should have. So, I'm putting my beliefs to the side as it is time to move on. We can't keep going. If it works out in the future, great. But we both know that's never going to happen. It is time to move on. 

In moving on, there will be days when I pine and there will be days when it is time to leave those feelings behind and look back with fondness and know that slowly it's getting better. We have to move on, stop fighting and let what will happen, happen. 

It applies to everyone it feels like I'm losing or lost. Friendships are good whilst they last, but you can't hang on to them if they aren't going to make you happy. Yes, I've felt so miserable for months and it just gets worse the more I dwell on how lonely it is now, but there are blue skies and rainbows, unicorns, smiles and laughter on the way. It's not going to bad forever. 

If you told me that things would get better this time last year, I wouldn't have believed you. I was stick thin, really not right in my head, miserable and wanting the impossible. Now I'm fighting for everything I want and not letting anything get in my way. I've changed as a person. I've grown into someone who can stand on my own two feet. I've changed. People change. 

People changing is why friendships change. It's why friendships fall apart. You see someone who was already arrogant becoming so far up themselves that they are unbearable. They swear and cross the lines and don't stop. They don't know when to, or rather they choose not to. That's a change from the arrogant but caring friend you had. Another friend changes as they are vulnerable. They feel exposed and scared and make rash decisions. They make bad decisions and then they lie. They impulsively lie and things that didn't bother them before or would have made them laugh, make them bitter now. They see it all as a personal attack and they don't understand why someone would have turned on them. They are scared and when people get to close they run. They put up a front that's not them and the kind, sweet and funny person is gone. Another change. Another looks down their nose even more. Belittle's everyone around them, making them feel even worse and inferior. They weren't ever like that. They always made the effort and thought that all of us were equals. 

So, with the blue skies on the horizon, it's time to swallow my pride and accept that this is going to be the loneliest time of my life, this week. My birthday will go unnoticed by most. The things I want to do will be ignored or people will lie as they don't want to be there. But that's okay. It is a time to get my study head back. I'll look back at moments over the past year with fondness. I won't regret anything I've done, any decision, because it has been the best time of my life.