Finding the Words

Despite the fact that I'm not alone, I just feel it. It does feel like I'm just talking to a screen and never to a person. And I'm told to change this. To talk to my friends, but we have drifted apart so much that I'm shy around them and it should be like that. And it's my own fault really. I let my self get caught up in this green emerald and silver world that I've been living in since September. Yeah, it hasn't all been good, but I've got caught up in it, like a fish in a net. 

So it's my own fault that my friends don't seem that way. I'm caught up and I'm shy of my own friends. I don't know if we still know each other like we used to and I don't know if we are close or not. I guess it's my own fault and I guess I have to put aside the feeling that I can't make it better as we don't know each other and it feels shy to approach them. 

It's a funny ol thing. Floating on a boat in the middle of a perfect blue ocean and not being able to reach the boat where everyone is partying. But then again it's peaceful. But then you know that when you make it back to shore that the party's will begin and you just don't feel comfortable to go to them. 

It kinda feels a bit like the colour of a really bold pale blue-green. When it's just that colour and another it feels comfortable. But then anywhere else with more than one colour it feels forced to make it work. And it always feels like an outsider in a group or a third wheel to a pair. It just doesn't seem fair to others to be around them. It's not fair on that colour as it's a really nice block colour but it only shines when with another colour.