Run, Pray, Work, Pray, Eat, Pray, Sleep

Some times the best way to deal with the word is to ignore it.

Run as fast as you can as far as you can.

Pray whilst running.

Work as hard as you can for as long as possible in every spare moment.

Pray after working.

Eat when you aren't working or running.

Pray when eating.

Sleep when your day has worn you out.

Fill every moment with something to do. Get the most out of life.

Announcing

Religion in my house is frowned upon. I don't really understand why because both my parents were brought up in a religious home and as a young child they actively encouraged it. But they also encouraged us to make our own decisions with their guidance. And they guided me away from faith.

But now I'm here to say I believe in God. So much has changed to show me that there is a God and that the white-purple mist that is never quite there, is like that because He is always there. When you focus on it you understand that it is His love that is everywhere and the purple is so spread out because He loves us so much.

What really made me make my mind up and stop wavering on the edge was a combination of things. He was there when others turned their back. He was there when I felt scared and alone. He was there when I needed courage. He was there when hope broke. Most importantly, at the hardest time of realisation He gave me Josh Turner and in particular a song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MG57JZvge_I

The lyrics of the song spoke to me:

"If you're looking for somebody you can talk to,
When the troubles and the heart ache over comes you,
There's a man you can count on,
That you can put your problems on.

You've got questions,

You need directions
Arms to hold you for all eternity,
Look no further,
There's no other for a lover and an understander,
Jesus is the answer."

That just spoke to me. I could feel the waves of love. So I am here to say, that I believe. Its a wonderful thing and already I feel like the purple is guiding me. 

Yes, I do ignore some of the things I believe I'm being told to do, but that's because I know that now is not the time. So let life go on and open up your hearts to the world around you! 

Stalker

So there is this creepy child. She just stalks me. Or she used to. She used to read this blog and know everything about ,y life before I even knew her properly. What a stalker you are. And now she is a really good mate o'mine. Bless her. Such a freak. From her long hair that has no real set colour to her funny voice that is really very pretty, to how short she seems as we are all so tall. Bless the lovely child. I do love her. You silly stalk sod. :P

Goodbye

I've just had to say good bye to one of my favourite people on the planet. It took a lot of courage to do that. But it is for the best. It just wasn't working. I know over the phone wasn't the best, but face to face would have been too much and I'd have chickened out. I'm sorry

So Here We Are Again...

So, here we are again. Here we are old friend. It's been what? A year? and here we are again. You and me, my best friend. We work well together, you and I. Nothing ever really gets in the way of us meeting again. So lets take each other by the hand and walk off into the sunset like two lovers. We know one another like the back of our hands. So, me and you, forever and always xx

Blue Skies

So, the Song "Blue Skies" by Noah and the Whale springs to mind as it fits these past few days and probably the next few weeks perfectly:

This is a song for anyone
With a broken heart
This is a song for anyone
Who can't get out of bed

I'll do anything
To be happy
Oh, 'cause blue skies are calling
But I know that it's hard

This is the last song that I write
While still in love with you
This is the last song that I write
While you're even on my mind

Cause it's time to leave
Those feelings behind
Oh, 'cause blue skies are calling
But I know that it's hard

I don't think that it's the end
But I know we can't keep going
I don't think that it's the end
But I know we can't keep going

But blue skies are calling
Oh, yeah, blue skies are calling
Oh, blue skies are calling
But I know that it's hard

The lyrics really mean a lot to me at the moment. I've been feeling so low and angry with the world and some days, I haven't wanted to get out of bed or go to college or even see my mates at the end of the week. But this is it. I don't what we had to be over, but it wasn't working how it should have. So, I'm putting my beliefs to the side as it is time to move on. We can't keep going. If it works out in the future, great. But we both know that's never going to happen. It is time to move on. 

In moving on, there will be days when I pine and there will be days when it is time to leave those feelings behind and look back with fondness and know that slowly it's getting better. We have to move on, stop fighting and let what will happen, happen. 

It applies to everyone it feels like I'm losing or lost. Friendships are good whilst they last, but you can't hang on to them if they aren't going to make you happy. Yes, I've felt so miserable for months and it just gets worse the more I dwell on how lonely it is now, but there are blue skies and rainbows, unicorns, smiles and laughter on the way. It's not going to bad forever. 

If you told me that things would get better this time last year, I wouldn't have believed you. I was stick thin, really not right in my head, miserable and wanting the impossible. Now I'm fighting for everything I want and not letting anything get in my way. I've changed as a person. I've grown into someone who can stand on my own two feet. I've changed. People change. 

People changing is why friendships change. It's why friendships fall apart. You see someone who was already arrogant becoming so far up themselves that they are unbearable. They swear and cross the lines and don't stop. They don't know when to, or rather they choose not to. That's a change from the arrogant but caring friend you had. Another friend changes as they are vulnerable. They feel exposed and scared and make rash decisions. They make bad decisions and then they lie. They impulsively lie and things that didn't bother them before or would have made them laugh, make them bitter now. They see it all as a personal attack and they don't understand why someone would have turned on them. They are scared and when people get to close they run. They put up a front that's not them and the kind, sweet and funny person is gone. Another change. Another looks down their nose even more. Belittle's everyone around them, making them feel even worse and inferior. They weren't ever like that. They always made the effort and thought that all of us were equals. 

So, with the blue skies on the horizon, it's time to swallow my pride and accept that this is going to be the loneliest time of my life, this week. My birthday will go unnoticed by most. The things I want to do will be ignored or people will lie as they don't want to be there. But that's okay. It is a time to get my study head back. I'll look back at moments over the past year with fondness. I won't regret anything I've done, any decision, because it has been the best time of my life. 

Explosion

Everything in life just seems to be exploding in a bubble of chaos and confusing. Why?